


Golden Boy

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: Getting Together, Insecure Tony, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:19:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony doesn't feel very wanted and makes a decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden Boy

When he woke up, he felt a strange wetness on the side he was lying on. When he moved slightly, rolling over onto his back to face the brightening around the curtains, he felt his skin stick to the sheets. He frowned and thought back to the previous night. While it wasn’t an odd occurrence to wake up sticky – after all, ever since he started this thing with Tony, their couplings were often passionate and exhausting and they didn’t always have the energy to clean up afterwards – his side was not usually a place he would stick to the sheets with. Normally that would be his lower regions. Besides, yesterday evening they had not engaged in any activities, had they? No, they had both been too tired and… Tony had been hurt. Yes, that was it. A suspect had nearly gutted his boy with a knife, so after Tony had been patched up in the hospital, Gibbs had taken him home and carefully cleaned him up and settled him in bed. He was sure that they had not done anything other than gently curl up together and fall asleep. So why was he sticking to the sheets?

He raised his hand to brush over his face, thinking back to what had happened yesterday, trying to figure it out. But when he opened his bleary eyes just before his hand reached his face, he froze. In the soft light of the sunshine peaking in around the curtains, he saw something on his hand. Red. Blood. Suddenly frantic, he grabbed the covers and lifted them. Tony was lying next to him, blood covering the sheets and blossoming out as far as Gibbs as well. What the hell?

Gently rolling Tony over onto his back, he saw that the bandage covering the knife wound was completely soaked through. And Tony wasn’t moving. Panic constricting his chest, he checked Tony’s heartbeat. Thank God, it was still there and felt steady. Then he checked his boy’s breathing. Also still there and steady. Slightly less panicky, he shook Tony’s shoulder, trying to wake him up. Tony started mumbling and asking for five more minutes. Gibbs let out a deep breath of relief. He was still alive.

Quietly calling Ducky and telling him to get over there NOW, Gibbs went to the bathroom to grab a few towels and pressed them to the bloody wound on Tony’s side. His boy seemed to sleep through it all, but was muttering when Gibbs pressed the towels against him hard. It gave Gibbs reassurance and when Tony again murmured something about five more minutes, the older man even got a small smile on his face. His boy never wanted to get up in the morning. While waiting for Ducky to arrive and continuing to keep pressure on the wound, Gibbs thought how lucky he was to still have his boy.

~~~~~

Tony had not been feeling particularly wanted or happy at his job anymore. He still liked putting away the bad guys and standing up against evil, but lately he had been feeling less, well, needed. McGee with his technological wizardry could run searches and traces faster than Tony ever could, and Ziva with her crazy ninja skills was more and more the one Gibbs wanted at his side in the field, leaving Tony and McGee to have each other’s six. Sure, Tony was still the one Gibbs gave the most interrogations to when he couldn’t be bothered to do them himself or was up in MTAC, but it had been a long time since he had received a “good boy” from his boss, or even a head slap. Even when they were giving a sitrep, it seemed McGee and Ziva always had just a little more information than Tony had been able to find. Or, lately, they just started talking over him even if he had more to share. And Gibbs never stopped them.

Out in the field, it seemed Tony was still good enough to take the pictures and do the sketches, but he also got stuck with the most rotten jobs. He felt that every time there was a garbage dumpster to go through in search of evidence, he was the one that drew the short straw. And when they were chasing someone, lately it seemed Tony was the one who was good enough to flush them out or stand in the way to keep the suspect there, while the others were the ones who got to make the arrest. All in all, he felt like he was becoming expendable.

Over the past few months, Tony had been assessing his feelings and options, thinking maybe it was time to move on. Nearly ten years at NCIS was certainly a record for him, and he had learned a lot, loved his job. But lately, he couldn’t help the feeling that it was time to go. He had become more quiet and almost subdued at work, not really seeing the use of treading into the foreground as he had before, since it was never rewarded anymore. Not by a compliment, which had been rare at best anyway, but also not by a head slap. And maybe that’s what hurt him the most. Even those few times he had been actively seeking that kind of attention from his boss, he had not gotten it. And he had always known exactly what to do to get one.

No, Tony was definitely considering his options. Truth be told, there was only one reason why he was still considering instead of already having moved on. Because he was in love with his boss.

~~~~~

Gibbs looked surreptitiously at Tony from across the bullpen. Something was wrong with his boy and had been for a while now. But where Gibbs had been expecting him to show up in his basement somewhere in the past weeks, Tony had remained conspicuously absent. There had been no late night visits with pizza and beer, no evenings sharing steaks and a game on the couch, and no Tony on his basement stairs, watching him work on his latest project, sipping bourbon and talking about everything and nothing until finally the thing that was bothering him came out. Gibbs was worried.

Tony was quietly working at his desk, not joining in the banter McGee and Ziva had started up a few minutes ago. The two junior agents didn’t even seem to notice that Tony was not participating and neither made an effort to involve him. A ping from his computer had Gibbs checking his mailbox and he saw an e-mail from Tony containing McGee’s performance review. The reviews weren’t due for a couple of weeks yet, and while Tony always did them and delivered them to Gibbs in time for a glance through before he sent them up to Vance, this was very timely. Curious he read through the review, as always finding it fair and justified. Tony was an excellent senior agent and always truthful in his assessments, pointing out strengths and weaknesses honestly, but managing to keep it positive. Gibbs decided to leave the review in his inbox until it was time to send it in. A couple of hours later, his senior agent sent him the review for Ziva. Another read through and Gibbs was again in agreement with Tony’s assessment of the former Mossad officer. Still puzzled as to why he had received the reviews already, Gibbs went for coffee.

Getting back from his coffee run, Gibbs strode into the bullpen and placed a cup of the hazelnut flavored stuff Tony always liked on his boy’s desk. When he reached his own and sat down, he looked up to see Tony with the cup in hand, staring at him with an expression he could only describe as shocked. What had brought that on? This was not the first time he had brought back coffee for Tony. But then he realized that perhaps it had been a while since he had done so. Maybe he should have rewarded his boy a little more often if this was the reaction he got. Sending a small smile of encouragement, he was surprised to see the shock on Tony’s face only increase before his boy turned his face back to his computer screens, putting the cup back down without even taking a sip.

A couple of hours later, Gibbs returned from MTAC to find his desk neatly lined with all kinds of paperwork, ready for his signature. At a quick glance, he recognized expense reports, requisition forms and incident forms. It seemed like Tony had been catching up on paperwork that had been accumulating while they had been working cases. It was all non-urgent, because he was well aware that Tony always took care of the necessary paperwork on time, even if it meant coming in in the middle of the night so he could concentrate better having the bullpen all to himself. But why was he doing this now? Gibbs had thought he had been reviewing cold cases, together with Ziva and McGee. While certainly not his boy’s favorite, Gibbs knew Tony still preferred cold cases to requisition forms.

Seeing the time, Gibbs told the team to call it a day and head home. McGee and Ziva quickly powered off and grabbed their bags, saying their goodbyes while hurrying to the elevator. Tony didn’t even acknowledge them, or Gibbs, just kept typing. Glancing at his senior field agent, Gibbs asked: “DiNozzo?” and only got a short: “Just finishing something, Boss” as a reply. Gibbs waited. Another twenty minutes or so later, Tony stood, grabbed his pack and an envelope he had ready on his desk and said a quiet: “Goodnight, Boss” before leaning over his computer and clicking his mouse. Tony was already halfway to the elevator when the ping alerted Gibbs to a new e-mail. Staring after his boy until he disappeared behind the closing elevator doors, Gibbs turned his attention to his computer and saw the one missing item of paperwork. Tony’s own performance review form.

While it was of course unusual for a senior agent to prepare his own review, Tony had always done so in the past years, knowing that Gibbs hated the things. So Tony prepared it and, as with the other reviews, Gibbs always found it to be an honest and fair assessment. He rarely had to alter anything, except to add compliments and praise. Tony was always very critical of himself in the reviews. Curious because Tony had scurried out as soon as he had hit send, Gibbs opened the review and read. First his eyebrows raised, then his anger.

~~~~~

Heaving a sigh, Tony rode the elevator to the garage and got into his car. He drove home on autopilot, not really remembering anything of the drive when he found himself in front of his apartment building. Grabbing his gear, he locked his car and made his way upstairs. Inside, he poured himself a drink and stood in front of the little bar in his living room, staring at himself in the mirror behind the shelves, thinking of what he had done. The previous night he had made a decision, and had promised himself that if they did not catch a case that day, he would put his decision into action.

The morning starting out slow, and instead of grabbing a cold case file to review, Tony grabbed the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated over the past couple of months. It was nothing urgent, but it needed to be done sometime and he wanted to have everything cleared off his desk if he was going to do this. Just in case. He started with the expense reports, switched to requisition forms after a while and then, to keep it interesting, started switching between the two, mixing it up with an incident report every now and then. Having gone through about half of the pile, he started on McGee’s performance review, did a few more forms, read the review again and finding it in order, sent it to Gibbs. Starting on Ziva’s review, he followed the same procedure, and a couple of hours later he was done. He shut out the babbling the two others were engaging in, and didn’t look at his boss once, except during the coffee incident which puzzled him greatly.

When Gibbs went up to MTAC, he started printing all the forms and arranging everything on Gibbs’ desk for his signature, ignoring the other two who were shooting him questioning looks. Then he sat himself at his desk again and started on his own review. He found it harder to do than in previous years, but followed his usual method and imagined himself being Gibbs looking at his senior agent while writing the review. When finished, he put it aside and started on the last piece of paperwork he still had to do. That finished, he hit print, signed the document and stuffed it into an envelope. Then he went back to his own review for a final read through. No wonder Gibbs hadn’t been giving him attention, reading this review he was indeed just a mediocre agent, not able to compete with the ninja or the techy. Deliberately holding back a sigh, he readied the e-mail with his review for Gibbs, grabbed his gear and the envelope, said goodnight and sent the e-mail. Then he hurried to the elevator, clutching the envelope. His resignation letter.

Now, staring at himself drink in hand, he wondered whether he should just mail the envelope and forget about tonight. Even if tonight his dreams would come true, which was hardly likely, his assessment of himself was telling enough. Even if Gibbs might be persuaded to give him a chance in his personal life, he had no use for him in the field anymore. No, perhaps he should just be honest with himself and realize once and for all that his days on the MCRT working with Gibbs were over. Well, then at least rule 12 wouldn’t be a reason anymore. And if he was already finished on the team, he had no reason not to go through with tonight. Time to suck it up. He gulped back the remainder of his drink and hit the shower.

~~~~~

At his desk, Gibbs went through the review and was stunned. But at least he felt like he was getting an understanding of what was ailing his boy. He knew from the start that DiNozzo was often insecure when he had no reason to be, he saw through the efforts to hide this behind his brash frat boy exterior, but this was on a whole other level. He knew Tony could be very critical of himself, but in this review, he was practically effacing all his qualities and attributing all his accomplishments to his team mates. He was not just downplaying his important role in the team, he was making himself out to be almost a liability. What had happened to his boy that this was the outcome?

Looking back on today and the activities of his senior agent, all the forms he had found on his desk and the performance reviews, what was the meaning behind it? He had a feeling he knew. DiNozzo was preparing to leave. His gut was really churning now. First he needed to let go of his anger and think this through a little, including his own behavior and that he had apparently not kept a close enough eye on the interaction of his team. He would go home, spend an hour or two in his basement to calm down and then go see his boy.

~~~~~

Freshly shaved and out of the shower, teeth brushed and a towel wrapped around his waist, Tony stood in front of the mirror and fixed his hair with great care. He knew his boss would not care what his hair looked like, but it was the first part of his armor, and helped him feel better about himself. Finally satisfied, he made his way to his bedroom and took care choosing the second part of his battle dress: his clothes. Not a suit, of course. That’s what he wore to work and work was over. In the end he chose tight black jeans and a fitted black button down shirt, sleeves rolled up and shirt tails untucked, black dress shoes. Last part: accessories. One of his expensive watches, the delicate gold chain from which his grandparents’ wedding rings hung around his neck, and lastly a subtle cologne. Checking himself in the mirror, he smiled. He looked good. Nervous as hell, but good.

Deciding against a second drink, he grabbed his things, got in his car and drove over to his boss’ house. Once there, he forced himself to get out of his car and into the house immediately, fearing that he would falter if he allowed himself to sit out there and think for a moment. He had made his decision and he would follow through. Apprehensive but determined, he made his way down the basement stairs.

~~~~~

Hearing the car pull up and the footsteps coming in and down the stairs, Gibbs was pleased that his boy finally came to him, but worried that it was already too late and that Tony was there only to say goodbye. His anger had not completely dissipated yet, but he had realized that it was mainly anger with himself for not taking better care of his boy. He studiously kept carving the wood on his workbench while Tony descended the stairs.

~~~~~

Afterwards, neither man could say exactly what had happened. Tony spoke first, quietly saying that he knew he was no longer of value at work, but if only Gibbs would give him a chance he was sure he could be meaningful to the man in other ways. Gibbs’ anger flared up again, not just with himself but with his boy for being so self-deprecating. The volume of their voices rose quickly and a shouting match was held in which all kinds of truths were spoken. In the end they each came to the same startling conclusion, voiced at the same time and with equal incredulity.

“You want me???”

Gibbs could not believe that Tony would be interested in him on a personal level, and Tony had trouble wrapping his head around the fact that Gibbs thought him an excellent agent and never wanted to let him go. Staring at each other for a minute, breath still heaving from the earlier shouting, they finally rushed each other to grab hold and never let go. Their first kiss was brutal, still fuelled by the anger, but then their meeting of lips and tongues gentled to a passionate and loving kiss. After a while, hands started roaming over bodies and clothes were being shoved out of the way. Not wanting their first time to be in the basement, Gibbs steered his boy towards the stairs and up to the bedroom.

Once there, they proceeded with great care and devotion. Slowly undressing the other, kissing and caressing each inch of skin they exposed, they made their way to the bed. Despite the urgency they both felt, they took their time and if asked, each would say it had lasted for hours. Sated and happy, they lay curled together for a while before their stomachs started rumbling. Laughing, they made their way to the kitchen, to food and drink. That hunger satisfied as well, they moved to the couch for talk. Tony revealed his insecurities over the way things had been going the past couple of months, Gibbs gruffly countermanded these with examples of his own of why he thought Tony was worth more than anyone on the team, more than anyone period. In the end, they had burned Tony’s resignation letter in the fireplace and headed back to bed. Curling up together, Gibbs took Tony into his arms and, making sure the younger man heard and understood him, said: “You’re my golden boy, Tony. You’re mine.”

Gibbs had given the other two team members a dressing down regarding their behavior towards Tony, making sure they realized that Tony was their superior and they had to respect the chain of command. Tony’s stuff had moved into the house gradually, and he hadn’t left Gibbs’ side since.

~~~~~

The dynamic of the team had changed a little, Gibbs relying more and more on Tony and McGee and Ziva accepted the rules as dictated by Gibbs. As far as they noticed a change in the relationship between the two men, they attributed it to the enforcement of the chain. Though a little less free in their squabbling, the team still worked well together and even improved. They speculated that this was Gibbs’ and Vance’s way of getting Tony ready for promotion to lead his own team, and this in itself did wonders for the already healing self-esteem of the senior field agent.

And then yesterday, Tony had gotten slashed by the suspect. Ziva and McGee had taken the suspect down, Gibbs had cared for his boy and seen him to safety and then to the hospital, getting regular updates from McGee and deciding to leave the suspect in the holding cell overnight until he was sure Tony would be fine. The cut was long but thankfully shallow, and Tony had been stitched up and bandaged and sent home with Gibbs with painkillers and antibiotics. In the bathroom, Gibbs had carefully cleaned the younger man and then himself and they had settled into bed. And he had felt secure, holding his boy in his arms, until he had woken up and seen the blood.

When Ducky arrived, Gibbs had already noticed that the blood wasn’t flowing anymore, the towels he was pressing against the wound staying thankfully dry and undrenched. Tony was still dozing, apparently not having noticed anything, and Gibbs had let him knowing it would be more comfortable for his boy, but still checking every few minutes that he was indeed just dozing, not fading away. As Ducky entered the house, Gibbs called for him to come upstairs and the older man quickly came into the bedroom. Seeing the blood, he deftly asked a few questions, Gibbs answering curtly. Together they carefully rolled Tony over on his other side and Ducky inspected the wound, quickly ascertaining that it was not as bad as it looked, just a couple of torn stitches, which he deftly replaced without even really waking Tony beyond some further muttering. When the wound was cleaned and bandaged again, Gibbs gently shook Tony fully awake.

Tony, sleepy and comfy, only had eyes for Gibbs. So when he opened his eyes, he smiled up at his lover and pulled him down for a kiss and a mumbled: “Morning, babe.” Automatically responding to the kiss and greeting, Gibbs replied: “Morning, my golden boy.”

Neither man saw the elderly ME peeking around the corner, having made himself scarce upon realizing what he had been called into, nor heard him whisper: “Oh my! Abigail will love this!”


End file.
